Well, okay. Maybe me.
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I’m not really all that weird,
but if you say so…
Some people look at me, and at first glance think, “He’s so quiet.” Others have told me, “You’re alway so professional.” In a crowd of people, “You’re funny!” People that come here and read my pages think, “Oh, my gawd! This guy is nuts!” When they visit shortstories4u2share.com, I get comments saying, “I love your writing!” and e-mails from this webpage saying, “You’re comments are hilarious.” The people that know know me say, “You’re so cool. You’re also so… weird. That’s why I like you!” My four, younger sisters (yes, I said “four”) just flat out call me, “Idiot.” Except for my baby sister -she thinks I’m so cool. My step-mom asks my dad, “Are you sure he’s your son?” My dad laughs, “He doesn’t get it from me!” My sons laugh at me and say, “You’re too weird, Dad!”
I don’t try to be any of those things.
It’s just the way that I am.
Some people have told me that my professionalism makes me a little “stand-off’ish” and sometimes “smug”. I think, “Well, why was I needing to be ‘professional’ in the first place?” Probably because I was somewhere that required me to be that way, and not my usual “casual” self if I was there to either “impress” or present myself as a more “up-standing” person (…and I really HATE those type of gatherings – bunch of snarky kiss-ups!).
I have been accused of trying to be the center of attention at gatherings, and that I wanted to be everyone’s friend, but what I really try to do is be more involved with the people around me because I can’t stand being in a crowd of people with that were not talking and having conversations. That kind of silence drives me IN-SANE and makes me nervous. I mean… just walked into a quiet funeral parlor surrounded by my very own silent assasins… kind of nervous. To break that monotony, I do everything I can to invoke conversation to get them to loosen up and live a little. Let me give you an example…
My first ex-wife and I had won a trip for two to spend five days at a “resort” ranch in Wyoming from…
***due to current “PC” standards, I am forced to not name the company aloud. So, henceforth, I shall be calling it by its rhyming name “Arlboro” ***
… “Arlboro” … along with other people across the country. As part of the prize package, they had sent to us some luggage to use for our trip. Of course, the bags they had sent everyone were … “Arlboro” … red, and when we and the other winners arrived at the “Billings, Wyoming Airport and Rest Area” we were all forced to gather in this room the size of a public restroom to claim our luggage. As we stood there, the airport was playing “Nature’s Sweet Melodies Of The Cricket” with the occassional interuption of whispers. We were crammed in this tiny space. Everyone was standing around. Nobody was saying anything. And I became nervous. The moment that luggage belt turned on I noticed all of the men in this public restroom begin smiling as all the women that were with them began giving them the stink eye. One woman beside me grabbed her husband by the arm, ground her teeth, and growled, saying, “Don’t you dare.” My first ex-wife heard this and suddenly knew what was about to happen. She spun around realizing she was too late. I had raised my finger into the air and announced to everyone, “If any of y’all come across a set of red bags, they’re ours!” The room went nuts. Men were laughing, hailing me as hero for saying it because they couldn’t, and the women were shaking their heads, moaning, and rolling their eyes at me. One woman grumbled, “Thanks for the encouragement, asshole.” And because of what I had done, we were all talking and having conversations, and I was no longer uncomfortable.
So, if you see me standing at a party smiling all alone, it’s because I’m having fun watching people interact with each other, and trying to pick the right conversation that I want to be involved. I will always encourage anyone that wishes to speak to me to step up, because I will welcome your conversation (provided I’m not being set-up to enter a quiet funeral parlor).
For those of you who don’t know me, I have a weird sense of humor (as if you couldn’t tell). To me, a conversation is not enjoyable if noone is laughing. So, you might hear me talk about something (because I’m a storyteller), and the tone of my voice will fluctuate to enhance the story just to get a chuckle or three. Or, I might even make some nonsense description up to better describe the mood, the setting, the feeling, or even the person or persons I’m talking about just to get a laugh. I don’t do this on purpose. It’s just my way of trying to enhance the conversation without creating silence or boredom. I enjoy hearing people laugh. I also enjoy watching people laugh. It makes me feel good about myself and those around me.
Now, I know some of you picked up that I refer to my ex-wife as “my first ex-wife”. I call her that because my current wife keeps warning me that if I keep it up (keep what up? I haven’t got a clue) that she will soon become my second.
Have fun and remember… SMILE! 😊
-L. S. Quail
L. S. Quail 
You posted Kelly
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